Get Behind Me Satan.

I know who you are - the king of liars, "the great deceiver". I have begun to recognize your ways! I know your familiar feeling now. The punch in my gut, the inadequate feelings. You may not have my joy. This is not your territory any more. Leave. Get behind me, out of my face, I shall stomp on you. I shall carry a double edged sword, God shall cover me with his mighty armor. I shall have victory over you, and begin to live my life. You tried to covet my joy as a little girl, and you shall lay claim over me no longer. I am a child of God. I am good. I am worthy. He knew me even before I was formed in my Mother's womb. You have tried to break me for 30 years, and I shall give you not another second. Flee from me! I cast you out in Christ Jesus' name.

AMEN

Good day for eating healthy and exercise.

Went to the gym right after work and did a crazy awesome spinning class. 45 minutes and 400 calories burned. YES! I was dripping sweat. It was great. I've been hitting higher heart rates, and when I get into the 160's I start burning high calories. I've started even sweating more, which is a really good thing.

FOOD:

chobani caramel yogurt

salad

1/2 tandoori chicken breast

granola bar

raw red bell pepper

baby carrots

orange

1 cup turkey chili

1 cup rice chex and soy milk

hummus

granola bar

Totals	1,198	67	7	164	23	68
Your Daily Goal	2,251	75	25	310	26	85
Remaining	1,053	8	18	146	3	17
	Calories	Fat	Sat Fat	Carbs	Fiber	Protein

What A Wonderful Day.

I feel great. So at peace today. So happy that God has blessed me and has answered some prayers.

Things, behavior, life .. all changing. I am claiming VICTORY over my life. I'm not going to continue repeating old behavior. I want change, LORD! Thank you God!

I was so happy to see that I was down 21 pounds this morning! Praise God! I was up like 4 pounds last week (cupcakes. Enough said).

I'm challenging myself to a 90 day challenge since we go on vacation May 29. I still plan on eating healthy over vacation, but we may get ice cream one day or go out to the seafood place. I can't wait to see my good friend Becky, this will be the 3rd year (I think) that we visit. This year, I think we are going to work out a couple times.

So after my blog yesterday, my Mom sent me a message telling me she had a little gift for me. Went over and she started hashing out why she was mad at me (I had sent her an email after she didn't even text me Happy Birthday on my B'day asking her if she was angry with me).

I said, "Mom, I forgive you. I was angry with you for a long time, but I forgive you and I'm sorry". She was pretty stunned.. she was like, forgive me why? I explained that I held so much stuff in for so many years over everything that I had to forgive her, and I told her she could thank my church for that.. I should have said, you can thank God for that. She seemed really, really shocked.

But I do. I have to forgive her. I don't want to hold old grievances anymore. I don't want my blessings hindered over not being able to get rid of this old stuff built up in me. I want the power of the God's Holy Spirit in my life.

Yea, I'm flawed. I'm definitely not perfect, but thank you God, that the devil is rebuked for my sake and that I don't have to fight! Thank you God that the fight is already won for me!

So, 90 day challenge.. Yes. I am excited, but it gives me great motivation.

Today I walked 1 minute, then ran 1 minute and alternated that for 40 minutes. I ranged from 4.2 to 5.0. I had to keep saying, you can do this, you can do this and thinking about what Jesus went through. So what is a little jog on the treadmill compared to that? Nothing!

And I burned 400 calories!

today:

2 eggs, 1 bagel thin

1/2 subway seafood and crab, spinach, black olives and tomatoes.

1/2 cup cherry tomatoes.

1/2 (really large) chicken tandoori chicken, broccoli and 1/2 cup baked beans.

chococonut bar.

Kashi TLC cranberry and walnut bar

Totals	1,314	44	6	160	24	83
Your Daily Goal	2,056	68	22	283	24	77
Remaining	742	24	16	123	0	-6
	Calories	Fat	Sat Fat	Carbs	Fiber	Protein

Dear Mom.

I forgive you.

Thank you God for everything in my life.

I pray God, that anyone I've ever offended can forgive me too.

Freeeeeezing..

My office is SO cold. I am absolutely freezing, and I'm wearing a sweater too. My extremities just get so cold.

I am about to get my butt to spinning. I've been slacking since last Thursday. Enough is enough!!

My next two weekends are going to be so busy.. Friday, I have to go to church and help clean carpets to prepare for our women's conference.. that night, my teen girls and I will be hanging out at my Pastor's house making snacks and watching movies. They will be spending the night. Going to take a few board games too, we should have fun..

Saturday, we have the marriage ministry at church. That should be really good. I can't wait. I also need to remember to sign my son up for swim lessons. We will be going Saturday mornings from 9-10 am. I think he will love it.

Sunday, we have church and some errands to run..

The next weekend we have our women's conference and I'll be busy from Friday to Sunday night! Should be really good. Our conference is called Women of Purpose, and I'm excited to know my purpose that God has laid out for me.

I just paid our deposit for our summer vacation. The end of May cannot get here fast enough! I can not wait for a week of relaxing and fun at the beach. I would like to get 30-40 more pounds off by vacation.

I'm off to the gym!

OMG!

I cannot get myself back together and to the gym!!

ARGH!!

How to overcome the hurt?

I was pretty much off all weekend since Thursday. We went out to outback friday night. I think that they use MSG. I need to look up the ingredients. I had the grilled chicken on the barbie, light style. It tasted good, but in the morning my hands really hurt and were swollen.

We had Alex's birthday on Saturday and I had a LOT of cupcakes left over and ended up eating many. On Sunday, it was nice and we took Alex out and let him ride his bike.. then I got my bike out and it was so nice to ride around.

Yesterday was my birthday and I had lots of nice birthday wishes.. except from my Mom. We were supposed to get together and do something, and i finally called her around 10, and she never answered me. I finally got in touch with her at 9pm, and she never said Happy Birthday, texted me... nothing. I don't understand! I try not to be jealous, but after my sister's birthday where she brags she spent $400 to take everyone out on a boat in Baltimore, I don't get why she is so cold towards me. It really hurts.. like I am nothing to her. Is it because I haven't accepted her boyfriend with open arms? Ugh! I wish I could be a person who just has no feelings. I hate feeling this way! God, help me toughen up! I feel so weak and stupid to have hurt feelings over this. It seems like other people are fine and don't get their feelings hurt over something so stupid.

Talked to my old friend this weekend and it was nice. I'm glad we have reconnected... I realized I was stupid for cutting her out of my life when she was always there for me. She was a good friend and I let myself be annoyed about things. I should have just talked to her openly.. confrontation is hard for me, but I'm learning.

Anyway, this weekend is over and I'm back on track. I made bad choices, and good choices. Long weekends seem to be more difficult for me to stay on track.

Tonight, I am going to the gym after my hubby gets home from church, he is working on the sound, and I plan on jogging tonight. I haven't for a week and my legs are finally unsore!

Exciting day!

I had a great workout, a good day with food, and my little sister got engaged! I am extremely happy for her. Resolved a few things today, which felt really good. My son was so cute today.. when we were driving home, he asked me what we were having for dinner. I told him we were having fish and rice. He replied that he wanted to have sesame street. I said, what? He said, sesame street.. I asked him if he wanted to play on my computer, and he said, "NO! Mommy! I want sesame street! KINNIITII (spelling out letters)!! That you pour on wice!" Finally, I asked him if he meant sesame OIL and he just let out an exasperated yes, like, duh mom!

It was so funny because when me and his Dad talk, we spell things out that we might not want him to hear. I'm not going to be able to spell out, uh, bad words anymore.

I got a compliment from my coworker who said she was really glad I was there. I still am not sure how to take another lady. She is just so blunt and sort of angry. I'm a little scared of her.

Went to spin at lunch. I LOVE spinning with Genna. I sweat so much my shirt was soaked; that was a really good workout, 300 calories in 40 minutes.

I want to think about motivation.. what drives someone to excel. Today I felt good because I could keep up with everyone else today. When I began back to spinning about a month ago, I had to sit almost the whole class. It was extremely hard. Today, I was able to keep up with all the thin, fit people and that made me feel good; I feel like I am getting my fitness back. I was able to continue standing the entire time we had to stand in 2 and 3 position. What an empowering feeling. Sometimes, it helps me, mentally to try to keep up or pretend I am in a race with the person next to me.

It also gives me confidence, because I am afraid. I am afraid that people either look at me and think mean things about my weight and what I can or can't do.. and on the other hand, I'm afraid that someone is even looking at me. I am so conflicted because I want to be all out there and happy, full of life and energetic, but I am just so afraid of it.

Church was awesome, as usual. I missed our Pastors, but we just sang worship songs and prayed and read verses aloud. I had such love swell in my heart watching my little boy dance and raise his arms and clap while people were praying. He loves Jesus and has a beautiful spirit.

Today's cals, etc..

Totals	1,198	27	7	184	29	79
Your Daily Goal	2,174	72	24	299	25	82
Remaining	976	45	17	115	-4	3
	Calories	Fat	Sat Fat	Carbs	Fiber	Protein