Saturday, September 25, 2010

Obsession with perfection..
But the odd thing is..

You aren't perfect,
in any way.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Complain, Complain..

Nothing is ever right,
Everything is always the same..

Complain, Complain..

Every conversation with you..
Someone else is to blame..

Complain, Complain..

No one has it this rough..
You are the only one.

Complain, Complain..

Listening to the same thing
over and over; such a drain.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Painful Words.

You're a horrible Mother! You suck!
Painful words from Mother to Daughter..

Getting to the point where you don't give a fuck..
Wanting to get away.

Why do we hurt the ones we love?
Why do we want to see them fall?
What is the point where you reach the last straw?

How can a Mother talk to a Daughter this way..
Abuse is not love.

I pray for her every day.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Do you ever think of me?
Do you ever feel regret?

How can you just move on?
How is your conscience clear?

Did you ever feel love?
Did you ever feel fear?

Why did you leave me?
Why didn't you love me?

Holding this wonderful gift from God.
I am astounded at how you could leave your daughter.

Broken Pieces of a Soul

A willing participant,
though half your age..
Did you really think that it was ok?

What went through your mind?
Why did you think it would be fine?
to take a part of a young girls soul?

Old enough to be her Father,
Couldn't control your want and desire..
Do you ever think about her?

Left broken and in pieces,
Shattered her as an adult for years,
I hope in the end, you are in tears.

I'm sure you moved on though,
Thank God for the Living Father,
To help that young girl mend.

Friday, September 17, 2010

What is the Difference?

Oh Bother..
Why is one preferred over the other?

Suck it up, suck it in..
But not you, for you I'll spread myself thin..

Two different fathers,
same life outcome,

Whatever you do,
Always do for only one of them..

Sacrifice! I sacrificed!
But why did you sacrifice your children
and not your life?

Oh bother..
My Mother.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Oh my little dog.

Oh my little dog. I miss you so much.

As I cry, I notice, you should be here.

All my secrets were safe with you.

Who will be my friend in the early hours?

A loving spirit and friend, sent directly from God.

A Girl's best friend, you weren't just mine,

But a little boy's too, and we cry for you.

A young child asks, where is my best friend?

and a Mother tries to explain..

A loss of words, my mind is blank..

I miss my sweet, best friend.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Love the Chicks pate..

Well, my fast went well. I wasn't too hungry. I dropped 8 pounds, but promptly put them right back on after I started eating again. LOL. I also didn't do that great over the weekend. I had junk at the picnic, and at home.

I'm back to raw. I see how my body can't handle processed junk anymore, at ALL.

Last night I made Love the Chicks Pate, from Ani Phyo. Almonds, Sunflower Seeds, turmeric and water. Makes a chunky "scramble". You can use this in place of eggs. I made a veggie scramble using the pate, cut cherry tomatoes, diced mushrooms and yellow onion. Had that for breakfast this morning, and I have a whole cup or so left.

1/2 cup almonds, sprouted then dried
1 cup sunflower seeds
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp tumeric
1/2 cup water

Also had a banana today and for lunch I'm having mango avocado salad.

Not sure yet what is for dinner.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


I am fasting and praying.

I started my fast at 1130p.m. on Tuesday night and I will fast until 7p.m. Friday night.

So far, I lost 5 pounds.

I'm doing it, not only to really give my body a break from food but to stay in prayer for my church and for me. Recently, I joined an awesome church ( This weekend is their 6th anniversary. Congratulations to them! I am so happy that I found a wonderful church family.

So I am lifting my church and church family up in prayer. I pray that our church family continues to grow!

I am also fasting because I've felt a calling on my life for many years to lead a ministry. It started quite a few years ago. I just want God to confirm the calling on my life.

So this is my first fast. This past couple months in my new church have been healing me of many resentments and bitterness that I've held in my heart for many years. This fast is helping me realize that I don't need food when I am emotional. Its ok to cry. Its ok to question people. Its ok.

I'm very excited because I finally received the Ani Phyo Raw Food Kitchen book and it has some really amazing recipes..

Have a great week.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Big Calorie Burn..

I had a great calorie burn today.. I went to spinning at 930 and bodyflow (yoga) at 1030. When I left, I had burned 960 calories..

Today's Food:

The Tomato chili leftovers
some dried pineapple
peach mango cobbler

I probably popped some almonds too when I was putting them away. I didn't eat a whole lot today, but I'm feeling pretty satisfied. Oh, I also had a coconut water earlier today. I'm really feeling very full of energy and light. I had a ton of energy at the gym, something I have not had at all lately, so that made me feel pretty great.

I made some plantain/sundried tomato stuff for tomorrow, I tried it, and honestly I'm not sure I will like it, but I'll wait to see after it marinates.

I'm also making some radish kimchi, and that will be my next post.

MmmmmMMmmmm Chili..

I thought this recipe for Tomato Chili with Taco Nut Meat sounded pretty good..

So, tonight, I decided to make it.

It turned out SUPERB!!

I wanted to try Kumato Tomatoes, just because they seem

ed interesting, and they were really delicious.

So I used 5 Kumato Tomatoes in the recipe, and one vine ripe tomato.

Changes I made to the recipe:

  • I added fresh cilantro and basil.

  • when I pureed the half of the ingredients, I added a little bit of filtered water, then pureed some more.. the reason is because the "juice" was very thick. Then I just added the puree back to the rest.

  • After I blended I added 2 chopped green onions. yum.

  • I did NOT make the cashew kream. I only added a little bit of taco nut meat

  • I did use any celery


I added up the ingredients for the chili part, which was about 300 calories.. The chili makes about 3 bowls for me, and I ate about 2/3 of what I made.

The taco nut meat makes about a cup of "meat" and that is about 900 calories. I only used about a tablespoon of that into my chili.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Day 11 Raw....

After my small slipup, I'm happy to report that I learned that I have to really stick to my guns. I also keep a small prayer to God for the strength and conviction to want to be healthy, happy and beautiful!

I'm happy to report that since starting this way of eating on July 11th, I am down 8 pounds! YAY!

Yesterday, I went to spinning and burned 400 calories in 35 minutes.

I can't wait to buy a couple raw books. I don't want to get burned out on this..

Today, I am going to pilates at 1130.

Today's Menu:

Cantaloupe and hot Chai tea for breakfast
Salad, and some raw kale, corn, red pepper, avocado, walnut soup for lunch,
then I have an apple, mango and a peach for snacks.

I have to say, I'm not totally in love with the soup I created. I really liked the corn chowder, it was a little sweeter. However, it isn't terrible, it just has a greener taste. Plus, it was a lot better tasting after the flavors melded together over night.

In this one, I used kale, garlic, green onion, sweet red bell peppers, olive oil, one ear of corn, walnuts and avocado.. Then some filtered water to thin it out.

I am going to buy like 3 books tomorrow: Ani Phyo's Raw Food Essentials, Ani Phyo's Raw Food Kitchen and Raw Food: A Complete Guide for Every Meal of the Day

I can't wait to get them!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

A little disappointed in myself..

Last night, I went with my friend out to celebrate her birthday/divorce and I ended up eating a salad with cooked chicken, fried onions and regular salad dressing. I also had some alcohol.

So I'm a little disappointed in myself. I had planned to just hang out and drink water and have fun. I succumbed to peer pressure, lol.. but its ok, I just have to learn from the experience.

Today, I'm getting back on track. I can definitely feel how different I feel. My hands and feet feel swollen and achey.. My knee is hurting and I feel very tired.

On to the gym in a little bit, hopefully. My arm is in serious pain (I hurt my shoulder a few weeks ago).

Friday, July 16, 2010

Korean Food..

What can I say? I haven't really found an ethnicity of food that I don't love, yet. Possible Scottish.

However, my absolute favorite cuisine is Korean. I love me some Korean food. So it turns out, my best friend happens to be Korean. Hurrah! Bonus.

My best friend's Mother (Ms. Kim) makes THE BEST dishes out of whatever she has. It amazes me. Anyway.. I was first introduced to banchan by going to Korean BBQ style restaurants. So, since I live in the Boondocks, and live an hour away from my best friend (and I'm not sure they'd enjoy us showing up for dinner every night...).... I started learning how to make some of my favorites.

One easy dish is Bulgogi or Galbi (you may call it Korean BBQ). Korean BBQ is thinly sliced beef or ribs cut the opposite way of American style beef ribs. Then it is marinated in the most delicious pear/soy/superyummygoodness sauce and grilled. If you as an American go to these Korean BBQ restaurants, you might be shocked.. the grills are in the middle of the tables and you cook the meat fresh right in your face. yep, I'm drooling.. However, the beautiful Korean women will feel sorry for you and come around and stand over you like the Korean mother you never knew you had and will cook it for you. By the way, the do not care if you DO know the way around a pair of tongs.

Now, getting to banchan. Banchan are these curious little side dishes that come out and you eat them along with the meat coming fresh off the grill and rice. These side dishes are extremely healthy, though there are a few (very few) I haven't cared for. My favorite banchan are sigumchi namul and sukju namul; which are seasoned spinach and mung bean sprouts. So delicious.

Since I had two big bags of Korean spinach and two bags of mung bean sprouts, I decided to make them last night. These dishes ARE cooked, but they are just blanched, so I decided to go ahead and make them.

Basically, you blanche (bring a pot of water to boil and dunk the vegetables for about 20 seconds) the spinach and mung beans (separately, not together) and then rinse in cold water. Once it cools, you take handfuls and squeeze out as much water as you can, and put it into a bowl. You really want to be sure its not holding water in it, or it will make the dish watery and not retain the seasoning.

After you squeeze the hell (seriously, go back and squeeze them again) out of the vegetables, then add cut up green onions (almost the whole sprig, just snip off the ends and cut in the middle, but you do want the greens), sesame seeds, sesame oil (I used an Asian roasted sesame oil) and sea salt. Just season it to taste. I wouldn't add a ton of oil, you aren't dunking chicken into it, just enough to lightly coat it. Then make sure you turn the vegetables over to ensure all the spinach is covered.

VOILA - a healthy and delicious side dish. I had some for lunch today. And thanks to Ms. Kim for teaching me how to cook my favorite dishes.. Next up: Kimchi!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A couple recipes I've made so far..

Again, I've raved about Ani Phyo's recipes which are delicious, totally raw and seriously healthy for you!

I already told you about the delicious peach mango cobbler, but I've also tried a couple others that are becoming my favorites.

The soup recipe I tried was a corn chowder: I got the recipe off of Happy Foody, but it is an Ani Phyo recipe. What? I love her! Modifications I made: soaked almonds instead of walnuts and I blended the avocado into the soup, along with the cilantro. It made it look more greenish. It was SO good.

The other recipe I loved was from Ani's book
called Black Pepper Cheeze. I stuffed it into red bell peppers, and that was SO amazing. The recipe calls for anaheim peppers, but I couldn't find them anywhere here in podunk, so I just used the red bell peppers since I love them
so much. The sweetness mixed with the
cashew taste was really good. The lemon that is in the cheeze just makes it come alive. I used extra lemon since I love lemon so much.

The other night I concocted a salad dressing (since eating dry salad is so.. dry). The dressing was pretty easy too. I put some whole stems/leaves of cilantro in my food processor, added a bit of oil, the juice of one lime, three small garlic cloves, a little salt, a bit of pepper and mixed it all up. It was a bit thick, so I added just a little bit of water to thin it out. Its like a cilantro lime vinaigrette.

So for lunch today, I had a salad with my dressing and for dinner I put some tiny grape tomatoes and mushrooms into a bowl and put a little of the dressing on that; it was SO good.

Someone on facebook suggested this Mango Avocado salad, so I also made that tonight for dinner. Since I only had one mango, I used one mango and two avocados. I ate half and saved the rest for breakfast.

Happy Eating!

My new Adventure in Eating..

In a nutshell, I've discovered the Raw way of eating..

Eating food that is in its raw state or the way that nature intended you eat. A friend of mine is doing a whole detox type of thing, which is what inspired this. Then I was discussing this way of eating with my Sister in law, she introduced me to a book of recipes she has by Ani Phyo; who is this raw eating advocate. It so happened she had also just received a book about raw or vegan eating.

I'm not opposed to eating meat or anything at all, but I have to tell you I am so hooked on eating this way. I've made a few recipes from Ani's book and they were all amazingly delicious. I will be purchasing her two books.

Anyway, I began this diet or way of eating this past Sunday and so far I have lost 5.5 pounds. I am really excited about that. I have about 150 pounds to lose (now 144.5 yay!) so this is so exciting to me.

Later tonight I will post a couple pictures of recipes I've made. Basically, its just fruit, veggies and nuts. I use olive oil and I have used a little honey to sweeten my tea. I'm not really a vegan in belief. My dogs also eat a 'Raw Food' diet; otherwise known as the BARF diet, which is raw meats and veggies. At this point they eat mostly chicken leg quarters, a little beef, some gizzards, raw eggs, full fat yogurt and a little olive oil. Yes, even the raw bones (always raw and NEVER COOKED chicken bones!).

So I'm not opposed to eating meat or meat products, but eating this way is starting to work out for me. I am opposed to stuff that is put into our foods. I've always known that processed foods are just not good for us. Taking a closer look at things like high fructose corn syrup, food coloring and other highly processed ingredients has opened my minds to the fact that our American Government doesn't have our health at heart at all. Have you seen the HFCS ads on TV? They drive me absolutely insane. I am more interested in eating this way for health. I plan on going back to the Doctor in a couple months and getting him to run a new lipid panel to see how my numbers come out. I had one run about a month ago when I was diagnosed with Lyme's disease, so I'll have comparable numbers.

So far I have had a few of Ani's recipes that I've absolutely loved, Corn Chowder and Peach Mango Cobbler. Getting a food processor is a lifesaver and I'm not sure why I never got one before; I love kitchen gadgets!

Here is the Peach Cobbler. My changes were: 2 peaches, 1 mango, instead of vanilla bean, I just used about 1/2 tsp vanilla extract and I left out the agave syrup. I've been reading some controversy about "natural" or "raw" agave syrup being false advertising. It was sweet enough without it! Don't forget to soak your almonds.

Introduction to me..

This is me. I am Christi.. others know me as Chrystee, and my best buds call me Chrust.

I've been a fat girl from as long as I can remember. I attribute this from a few things; a Grandmother raising me and my Mom on a Depression diet (biscuits, dumplings, bean soup!), genetics, my Mom being a yo-yo dieter all my life and emotional eating.

A lot of stress in my life as a kid caused me to have an unhealthy association with food. Like so many other Americans, its the first thing I feel like doing when I'm upset; Where's the ice cream!

This year I turned 30. I've been married for 10 years, and I've got a 3 year old son. I've been feeling a lot of push to get healthy for many years, the struggle has been getting my mind in the game.

Anyway, since about 18, I've endured the struggle to lose weight. I was fat in high school (size 16) but didn't really care to try. Like so many other people struggling to lose weight, I've tried Atkins, Southbeach, Weight-watchers, etc.

With this blog, I am looking to get myself accountable and just try to keep track of my daily eating/exercising and the feelings.

So that's me in a nutshell and why I wanted to start a blog.