20 pounds gone!!

Down 20 pounds, woohoo!

Seems like a lot in 2 months, but the bulk came off the first couple weeks, really.. Its taken me since January 20th to lose 4 pounds.. wow! I was up a couple pounds last week, but now its taken those pounds plus 2 more with it! YES.

That is why it is so important not to get discouraged, but it is so hard to stay motivated. I KNOW I am an emotional eater.. I'm trying to tell myself, its ok to get mad, scream, cry, be happy, etc. I've been so inspired by watching the biggest loser and I notice that with most people who have a huge amount of weight to lose, they try to keep their emotions on hold.

After my jogging/walking yesterday, my head throbbed so much, still till today it was hurting. I wonder if that is normal. I know I was hitting a little bit over my normal "hard" heartrate. I usually stay under 155-160 and I was hitting 165 a few times. Not sure why it gave me such a headache. I'm wondering if it is because the blood was pumping really hard into my brain, maybe?

Today I felt much better.. I did reach out to an old friend on Monday sort of telling her sorry I hadn't been around and hadn't been in touch, and even though I expected it, she pretty much blew me off. That sucks, but to be honest, I deserve it. I hadn't been a very good friend to her for quite some time.

Really excited for my Sister in law's wedding coming up in September. I have 6 MONTHS to get ready.. Initially, I started this because I went to Georgia, and this lady at a bridal shop called me her future Mother in Law. I was so so honestly SHOCKED when I sat at another bridal shop and just stared at myself sitting on the couch and I was looking at myself. When did I get so much older??? In my head I still feel 21! I decided that I want to look GOOD at her wedding. So, my goal is about 8-10 pounds a month.. I could lose 50-60 pounds by then, which would put me at 80 pounds lost since December. I have to keep remembering this goal, even when things get hard.

I thought about it tonight, because my thighs were sore after last night. Then I decided that it was ok to not "work" as hard, so I just walked at 3.2 on an incline of 2.0-5.0... for 30 minutes, then got onto the arc trainer for 30 minutes.. I was only going to do 15, but I was watching biggest loser, and needed to find out who won the weigh in!

So I was looking at some dresses today.. I really want to look beautiful in a DRESS for her wedding..

Inside and out!

Food for today:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/chrystee?date=2011-02-15

Totals	1,673	53	16	281	24	63
Your Daily Goal	2,369	78	26	326	27	89
Remaining	696	25	10	45	3	26
	Calories	Fat	Sat Fat	Carbs	Fiber	Protein

Good workout!!

I ran tonight!! YEA!

15 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on the treadmill. I walked for a minute, then jogged for a minute, alternating with 4.5 and 4.8. It was hard, I was sweating like crazy, but I did it. My legs feel a little burn, woohoo!

My food today:

banana

red bell pepper,

carrots

chobani mango yogurt (not a favorite)

99% lean turkey chili

apple

turkey chili

rice chex

soy milk

banana

1tbsp peanut butter

chococonut granola bar

Totals	1,417	41	11	254	18	49
Your Daily Goal	2,231	74	24	307	26	84
Remaining	814	33	13	53	8	35
	Calories	Fat	Sat Fat	Carbs	Fiber	Protein

My devotional assignment tonight:

Read Colossians 1. Please respond to verses 9,10-11,12-14,15-18,

and 19-20.

Colossians 1 (New International Version, ©2010)
Colossians 1
 1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,
 2 To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sistersa]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a] in Christ:
   Grace and peace to you from God our Father.b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]
Thanksgiving and Prayer
 3 We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, 4because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— 5 the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel 6 that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. 7 You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant,c]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[c]who is a faithful minister of Christ on ourd]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[d] behalf, 8 and who also told us of your love in the Spirit.
 9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,e]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[e] 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified youf]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[f] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
The Supremacy of the Son of God
 15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
 21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because ofg]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[g]your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.
Paul’s Labor for the Church
 24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
 28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.

Monday = Fresh start!

Had a really hard and emotional weekend, but I'm feeling much better today. My Pastor's sermon was so on point yesterday. Its so hard to stay on this path, when I'm feeling low and bad, but I am trying to press on and keep my eyes on God and my faith. I know that walking with God won't be easy and there will be many obstacles in my way, especially as I begin to do God's work. I hate feeling bad!! but I know I have to press on and keep going.

I know I am worth it.. I know that the walk will be tough, but its worth it! I have to do this for me, for my family and for my Lord.

So I took the weekend off and rested, but ate reasonably well and healthy, but I did have 4 chocolate strawberries last night, yum!

Tonight I am going to go to body pump. I am hoping for sore muscles tomorrow! After I am going to do a few minutes on the elliptical just to get a few extra calories burned!

Flustered.

Feeling pretty down. Weighed myself today, and I was UP 5 pounds.

I was so emotional all week and we went out to dinner and had Mexican food and I had lots of chips and dip. I feel pretty let down.

Had a hard night tonight too. My stomach is in knots and I just feel sick and upset. I was excited earlier but now blah.

I get to this point where I just feel like why even try? Why do I think I am worth it? Why do I think I deserve it? I don't deserve anything in life. I don't even think I am worth anything to anyone in my life. I don't know why I try to do anything. I feel so much anguish over my life and what I've done to people. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm not a great Mother, wife or even friend. My Mother doesn't want to be around me or my family. I don't even know why I've been put on this earth? What is it I am supposed to do? How can I ever be a leader of youth if I can't even be a good friend, wife or mother? I'm nothing.

Emotional Monday

I am having quite an emotional day.. from missing my old friends from my old job, to just feeling left out of things. I guess I will stop posting my menu here. I found an app on my phone that does the job well. I'll stick a link in each day, if there is really anyone who reads my blog that really cares..

Anyway, it always seems kind of sad to leave a job.. people that you sit next to and talk to all day sort of become your family, and then when you leave, it is very rare to keep that friendship behind. There's been a few in the past that I was fine with, but it is always those few that you feel really close to that just really get to you to lose. I'm feeling down because I'm at one of those points where I realize, I just don't have many friends, nor many people to talk to. I only talk to really one person besides my husband, and she has a life and can't always be there.

I suppose it is one of those times I should talk to and rely on God.. but I'm not sure God cares about talking about shoes or getting coffee at Starbucks and it is quite possible that people may begin to think I am crazy. HAH.

Now that I'm in a new place it is also hard because I don't really know anyone or know how to react with anyone's personality so I feel kind of lost. At my old job we joked a lot and just had a humorous time with each other, and now I'm feeling all these new people out and again, just don't really have any friends or anything. There is also a few people who I'm just not quite sure how to take either.

A few times I've put myself out there and kind of butted into conversation, but then I just feel foolish and kind of like a douchebag. I suppose I am a bit depressed, which is pretty normal I think for a change.

I think I've been doing ok though, I've wanted to really dive into some food and eat, but I have restrained. I've asked God to stop me and make me really think before I start to do that.

Link for today: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/chrystee?date=2011-02-07

Calories: 1435